The Quiz
by BubblyPhantom
Summary: Galinda and Elphaba take a quiz from a magazine...and random weirdness occurs! THIS IS NOT A GELPHIE FIC. It's a FRIENDSHIP fic. Rated T just to be safe. R&R please.


**HI!!!!! Another Wicked fic, although this one is short. This is a random idea I thought of…randomly. Hope you enjoy and review! As always, I don't mind constructive criticism, just annoying flames that are meaner beyond belief. **

**Note: This is not a Gelphie story, it's a friendship one. So chillaxify. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Wicked. Sob! **

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"Elphie, please?" 

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with a cream-whipped strawberry sundae with pink sprinkles on top?"

"_No._"

"But I can't do it alone!"

"Okay, that sounded wrong."

"You know what I mean. Please?"

"No."

"It won't be any fun without you!"

"Stop saying things that have double meanings behind them."

"Stop thinking everything has a double meaning behind it."

"Good point. But the answer is still no."

"But whhhyy?"

Elphaba narrowed her eyes at the petite blonde sitting on her bed holding a glossy magazine in her hand. "Because…those quizzes are stupid. All they do is give a bunch of stuck-up snobs an excuse to make awkward adolescents feel even worse about themselves while doing so in a subtle manner."

Galinda sighed. "But _Ozmo Girl!_ is the best magazine ever to hit the newsstands in years! It has _very_ informative articles." She flipped to a random page. "See, look. _How To Get A Life In Three Days._ See Elphie, you can benefit from this magazine too!"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Thanks. Can you leave me alone now?"

"Take this quiz with me."

"No. Do it yourself. I'll try not to throw up while you do so."

Galinda jumped off the bed and ran into the closet. She pulled out a black frock and held it up. "If you don't take the quiz with me, I'll Galinda-fy your dress."

Elphaba gasped. "You wouldn't."

"Watch me."

The green girl got off the bed and walked over to Galinda slowly. "Galinda, put down the Pink-In-A-Can and we'll talk about it. Negotiate, you see." She smiled. "All right?"

"Fine," Galinda grumbled, handing over the Pink-In-A-Can.

Instantly, Elphaba held the can to Galinda's face. "Aha! Now, promise you'll leave me alone, or I'll make you more pink than you already are."

Galinda gave her a look. "I've been named Pinkest Person every year since kindergarten. I don't think that's possible."

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that." She sprayed the can, not realizing it was turned towards her. Pink sprayed her face, clashing with the green terribly.

"My eyes! They've been pinkafied!"

Galinda laughed. "That's what you get for messing with _Ozmo Girl!_ Huzzah!" Elphaba sprayed some oil into a towel and rubbed her face furiously.

"Did the green come off yet?" Galinda asked after a while.

Elphaba glared at her. "No, the green has not come off yet. Don't you think I would have tried that by now?"

"Try taking a shower. Maybe that will help. Wait, why do you look like you're about to kill me? Oh right, I forgot, you're anti-water."

Elphaba sniffed. "I prefer the term _hydrophobic_." She sighed. "If I take the stupid quiz with you, will you leave me alone so I can get some work done?" She covered her ears as Galinda squealed.

The two friends got on the pink bed and Galinda flipped through the magazine eagerly. "Here it is! _Are You Hot: Test Your Hotness On The Hottie Meter._"

Elphaba looked at her. "You're kidding, right?"

"No. The higher the score, the hotter you are." She cleared her throat. "Question Number One: Do you own an Ozpod?"

Elphaba snorted. "What does that have to do with being hot?"

"I don't know, but we don't question the goodness of the world, now do we?" The pink-loving girl read on. "Four points for yes, zero points for no. Add an extra point if it's pink." Her voice went up five octaves. "Oooo! Mine's pink! Pink with sparkly sparkles on it! Elphie, what color's yours?"

"Black."

"Oh duh! Even I could have guessed that. Next question: How long do you spend getting ready in the morning?"

"Two minutes."

"Two hours. So that's five points for me and one point for you. Question Number Threeeeeeeeeeeee!" She paused for dramatic effect. "How many pairs of shoes do you own?"

"Two."

"Twenty-four. Damn, Elphie, catch up!"

"Maybe you just have too many shoes, Miss Galinda."

Galinda looked at her green friend as if _she_ was the dumb one. "There is no such thing as too many shoes," she said seriously.

"But there is! Look at your shoe rack! It's bigger than your bed and takes up half the room! They're _unnecessary_."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that." Galinda smiled. "Now, where were we? Question Number Four: how many friends do you have?"

"One. Although I'm sensing it's going to go back down to zero soon."

Galinda ignored her and scanned the choices in confusion. "Hey, they don't have eight hundred ninety-nine as an option here! It only goes up to eight hundred ninety-eight!" She caught Elphaba staring at her oddly. "What?"

"Oh nothing. Just move on so we can finish this thing. I have more important obligations to attend to."

"Homework?"

"NO." Elphaba paused briefly and looked at the ground. "It's extra credit."

Now it was Galinda's turn to roll her eyes. "Please Elphie, I'm trying to help you have a life. This is way more important. Question Number Five: Do you do extra credit? Five points for no and negative fifteen points for yes." She and Elphaba looked at each other in silence.

"Oh, just do it!"

"Wee! Momsy and Popsicle were wrong. All those years of slacking off and pretending to study finally paid off!" She jumped on the bed happily and Elphaba looked like she was about to pour a bucket of water over head.

Her own head, not Galinda's.

"Question Number Six: Ooo! This is getting interesting! How many boys have you kissed?"

"I absolutely loathe this quiz _and_ you." Elphaba looked at her bubbly blonde friend, who had grown strangely quiet. "Galinda?"

Galinda gave her a wicked grin and merely whistled as she marked down her answer. She coughed daintily before moving along. "Question Number Seven: Do you have some sort of weird allergy?" Her blue eyes widened. "Wait, what?"

Elphaba smiled. "Read the choices, Miss Galinda."

"Oh, fine," Galinda grumbled. "Five points for yes and zero points for no." She tried not to look at her grinning friend. "Uh…I'm allergic to unpopular!"

"Galinda, I don't think that's what they mean-"

"Oh, if I say it counts, it counts!" The infuriated blonde relaxed as she took deep breaths.

"Now the next question: What does your boyfriend like best about you? A. Your eyes. B. Your hair. C. Your complexion. Or D. All of the above."

"Just make fun of the green girl some more, why don't you?" Elphaba said, annoyed.

"Oh, Elphie, you'll find someone some day!" Galinda assured.

"I highly doubt that."

"You mustn't be so negative! One day, when the sun is shining brightly and the air is nice and crisp, I'll marry Fiyero and you'll marry some other guy I don't know and we'll all live happily ever after in a little cottage in the woods!"

"Um…"

"You're right. A _big _cottage." Galinda ran for her pink laptop and set it down on the bed. She opened it and started typing.

"Hold on, this'll just take a sec." She waited until a familiar _ding! _came from the laptop. "Fiyero says 'everything,'" she mused. "Oh, how sweet. Elphie, let me ask him about you."

Elphaba's eyes widened in fear. "What? No, don't!"

"Oh, relax. _Nothing_ isn't one of the choices." She read out loud as she typed. "My lovely Fiyero, darling, if you were dating Elphaba, what would you like best about her? Eyes, hair, complexion, or all of the above? And don't be mean." She smiled at her friend, who looked like she was about to die.

"Elphie, are you all right?"

Before Elphaba could answer, the laptop dinged.

Galinda read out his answer. "D." She looked confused. "All of the above? What? Oh, he must of meant _B_. Your hair. That makes more sense." She kissed the laptop even though Fiyero couldn't see and closed it.

Galinda peered at her friend. "Elphie, you look greener than usual! Are you sick?"

"No, I'm fine," she answered, blushing furiously.

Galinda sighed in relief. "Good." She picked up the magazine again. "Now, next question: Do you own a pair of Uggs?"

Elphaba suddenly became angry. "Uggs? Those stupid boots, killing off innocent Animals. They're-"

Galinda interrupted her before she could launch into a twelve-hour speech about Animal rights. "I own Fuggs, which are made from animals, not Animals." She looked at her friend. "Is that okay?"

"Yes…I suppose so. But if you really think about it-"

Galinda cut her off again. "Question Number Ten: what do you wear to bed?"

"This quiz was obviously written by a male," Elphaba said.

"You're right. This is absolutely disgusting and sexist and wrong. Let me read the choices. A. Bunny Pajamas. B. Normal PJs. C. Lingerie. Or D. Nothing."

"Um, ew. Circle B for me." Galinda had gone quiet again. "Galinda? Should I be concerned?"

"Oh, Elphie relax! We're roommates, after all!" But she shifted her eyes as she scribbled down her answer. Elphaba just looked at her. "What?"

"Should I turn the night light off when we go to sleep?" she asked nervously.

Galinda just giggled and continued reading. "Next question: has your significant other ever cheated on you?" She hooted. "Does this quiz even _know_ what I look like?"

"Um…"

"Of course the answer is _No_. I'll put down the same for you too."

"Um…"

"Stop 'um'ing, Elphie, and listen up. Have _you_ ever been the other woman?"

Neither girl spoke. The question echoed throughout the room, adding more tension and awkwardness to the situation. Suddenly, Elphaba coughed.

"What are the choices?" she asked slowly.

Galinda took a big breath before reading them. "A. No, never. B. Uhh…Kind of? C. I like Cows with cheddar. Or D. You don't want to know."

"Uhhh….kind of?" Elphaba squeezed her eyes and prepared for the grilling of the information from the gossip queen herself.

But Galinda wasn't listening. "All right," she said as she circled _B_ absent-mindedly. She stared at the magazine for a long time.

"Um…Galinda? Are…are you okay?"

Suddenly, Galinda started crying. "Oh Elphie, it's just awful!" All of a sudden, she jumped into Elphaba's lap and sobbed.

Elphaba put her arms around the crying blonde girl awkwardly. "Uh…what is?" she asked, confused by Galinda's sudden bipolar outburst.

Galinda pulled out a pink hanky from her pocket and honked into it. "I _was _the other woman!" she blurted out.

"_WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?!_"

"Boq! He kissed me after the party at the Ozdust, and he's going out with Nessa!" She gasped. "Please don't say anything to her or Fiyero, Elphie, please? I can't have anyone knowing! I'd rather wear black!" She paused, thinking it over. "Well, not _all_ black, but still."

"Well, that's one more odd thing we have in common."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing," was Elphaba's nonchalant reply. She took the magazine from Galinda and pointed to the question.

"See Galinda, the points for letter _D _are the highest. Being a lying home-wrecker _does_ make you hot!"

Galinda glanced up from her hanky. "Really? It does?"

"Of course it does," Elphaba said, wondering what kind of twisted freak made this quiz. She glanced at the author's name. _Madame Morrible_, it said.

"Thank you Elphie! I feel better now!" She snatched the magazine from the stunned green girl and started reading again, getting _back in her zone_. "Last question: If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be?"

"Seriously?"

"A. A pumpkin. B. Corn. C. A Tomato. Or D. An artichoke." Laughing like a hyena, Galinda fell off the bed.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. This question should be terminated! A tomato's not a vegetable!" Elphaba stated.

"But…but…" Galinda stuttered, gasping for breath. "…it's such a funny and ironic question!"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Fine. Put down _D_ for me. You, Galinda, would be corn, since you're both blonde."

Galinda looked touched. "Why, thank you Elphie!" She smiled as she started to tabulate the results.

* * *

**An hour later… **

Galinda was still tabulating the results. She furrowed her brow in concentration as she tried to add up the points.

"You need some help there?" Elphaba offered.

"No, no! I can do it myself." Galinda scribbled something down furiously and jumped up. "I did it! That's a negative one for you, Elphie..."

"Oh, come on! I should have at least gotten a two!" She grabbed the magazine from Galinda. "You don't know how to add," she muttered.

Finally, she sighed and handed it back to the blonde. "You were right," she grumbled.

"I told you I wasn't dumb. Now, _I_ got a lovely score of one-hundred sixty-five points."

"What? That's not possible," Elphaba declared. "There were thirteen questions and five possible points for each question. Thirteen times five is sixty-five. You must have carried the one wrong. _Way_ wrong."

"No I didn't," Galinda defended, darting her eyes back and forth. "See Elphie, this quiz wasn't so bad!"

"I think I'm traumatized for life. Thanks, Galinda."

"You're welcome." All of a sudden, Galinda screamed.

"What? What is it?" Elphaba cried. "A big pimple? A hairy bug? A flying house?"

"No, much worse! Sixty-five is not the highest possible score! It's seventy!" Galinda burst into tears. "How could this be? I answered everything perfectly."

"Maybe you skipped a question," Elphaba suggested.

"Elphie, I think I know how to take an _Ozmo Girl!_ quiz." She glanced at the quiz again and sighed. "You're right. I did skip one. This is good news for both of us! Maybe you'll get a score that isn't…negative." She ignored Elphaba's glare and read the fourteenth question.

"Would your best gal pal go out with you?"

Awkward silence filled the room.

Galinda flickered her eyelashes. "Oh, Elphie…"

"No."

"Huh?"

"The answer is no. I would not go out with you," Elphaba said.

"What?"

"I. Will. Not. Go. Out. With. You."

Galinda pouted and whined. "But…but…but _why_?"

"Uh, I don't like girls."

The blonde sighed. "Yes, but _if you did_."

"No."

"Come on, Elphie! Five more points and I'm the hottest spice there is!"

"All right, first of all, EW. Second, I'm sorry. But the answer is still no."

"Can you at least tell me why?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes!"

"Fine. You're a walking ball of fluff. You wear body glitter. _On your forehead._ You have too many shoes, including Fuggs, which are the ugliest shoes I've ever seen in my entire life. You prefer magazines over books. You don't do homework. You eat Animals. And finally, you wear too much pink."

"But…but…everybody loves pink."

"Not me. Sorry Galinda, but you're just not my type."

"I can change! Really, I can!"

"No, you really can't. Besides, you…wait, why are we arguing about this?"

"Why not?"

"It's weird. We don't like each other like that."

"You won't hypothetically go out with me! Me, the most popular, prettiest girl in Shiz! And I'm blonde! I bet all my other friends would date me! There is something wrong with this and we need to address it _right now _or it's going to take a permanent toll on our friendship!"

Elphaba rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. "Galinda, calm down."

"I AM CALM!"

"Stop yelling."

"I'M NOT YELLING!"

"Relax."

"I AM REALXED!"

"Do you want me to get the tranquilizer?"

"I'M NOT A TRANQUILIZER! Oh wait. Yes, please."

Elphaba got under Galinda's bed and pulled out a brown paper bag. She placed it on Galinda's head. "Now, just breathe evenly. And everything will be okay."

Galinda pulled the bag off her head. "No, it won't be! Because you still won't hypothetically date me!" She ran into the bathroom crying, leaving a very confused and perturbed Elphaba in the room, alone.

"What the _hell_ just happened?"

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**I'm not leaving it like that. But for now, just click the little button…and tell me what you think! **


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